How to build self-confidence in a child?

 How to build self-confidence in a child?

How to build self-confidence in a child?


How to build self-confidence in a child? It is not that simple at all! The most difficult part of all of this is that often parental love and teacher concern make a child dependent on the opinions of others. When does praise destroy instead of building self-confidence? When is there too much of our attention? I'll tell you what I know!

How to build self-confidence in a child?

A few obvious things. 

There are obvious things. But they're not as easy as they seem. For a child to believe in their abilities, they need

  • warm;
  • safety atmosphere;
  • recognition;
  • a good word;
  • value attention;
  • opportunities to overcome challenges;
  • motivation;
  • experiencing success

BUT ( after ALE, the most important begins, usually): in the right amount. This is where the stairs begin.

To love does not mean to teach a dependent child

It is extremely difficult. The enormity of motherly love and the immensity of teaching commitment sometimes make the child completely unintentionally stop judging what they are doing from their perspective. Instead, he waits and stubbornly wants the adult's praise, and it is he who makes the child feel that what he has done is valuable.

How to build self-confidence in a child?


I know this is accidental. We praise the child because we are filled with delight. But she has to tame this waterfall of love and give the child a chance to build a conviction that what he is doing is valuable.


How to build self-confidence in a child?

from time to time praise the child's work, appreciate the element to which it was applied, appreciate the new idea, quality, aesthetics, color selection;

instead of praising, just note, open the discussion box, say:  I see the squirrel has an extremely polished tail. If the child fails to discuss, ask:  Was it difficult to do? Encourage the child to share emotions and effort put into work;

when the child comes to receive the praise (because we are used to it), redirect his attention. Say: Oh, new building. What do you think about her? Was it hard to do? The purpose of our questions is for this child to appreciate himself. If we have made a child dependent on our praise, we can redirect them in small steps using auxiliary questions, eg  What do you like the most about this building? Doing the same thing with every other thing;

celebrate the Dot Day - a nice opportunity to build self-confidence - read about the Dot Day HERE;

create a space where the child will be able to place works of their choice;

encourage peers to describe the work of other colleagues;

observe - there is no one recipe for all of them, but remember that the goal is for the child (without narcissistic exaggeration) to appreciate his effort, idea, execution, deed;

if you criticize, do so wisely. Let me use an example here. When the teacher offers 20 children to do a maze and asks them to try not to cross the line, and one of the children, evidently wanting to speed up the task, did it below its capacity - let him know that we can see it. But smart. We can say, “I know you can do this task much more carefully. I see you didn't feel like it today. Next time let me know, we'll come up with something else. Because it's true that haste is wrong, not lack of skill. And never criticize lack of skills - appreciate the effort, effort, and courage in overcoming difficulties;

highlight some of the child's creations, e.g. by framing them, taking a photo of them, keeping them in a souvenir chest - not all, not always, let it really be something special.

How to build self-confidence in a child?


What not to do?

When considering how to build a child's confidence, we need to know what to avoid.


do not praise all of them with power. It has good intentions, I know. But it only makes a child know that their job is good when someone else tells them. And in adulthood, he is never sure if he fared well enough, looks good enough, or has been successful enough - because in adulthood, no one applauds every time we undertake something;

do not criticize frequently, do not point out the imperfections of work;

do not lie to the child if he says that something has obviously gone wrong, do not cheat and do not force him to believe otherwise, BUT build up wisely. What can you do, for example, when a child crushes a piece of paper with a failed drawing and throws it on the floor? Pick up. Watch it. And from asking:  I see that you are not satisfied with this drawing. But I like it. I like the black color. Can I take it? Let's not take the drawing by force. Let the child have the right to decide about the fate of the work that triggered such emotions.

How to build self-confidence in a child?

Do everything so that you do not become a tool for assessing the child. The child should be able to assess himself as early as three years old. We do not expect that a baby who has recently been building sentences thoughtfully will find in my opinion the work that I hold in my hands presents a high level and captures the structure of the resistor in an interesting way. But already a three-year-old, to whom we give a chance, you will say, look, I drew a nice car! That's what we mean.


Don't say:  Can't you? I'll help you. This is a great way to teach your child that he or she is the can't.


Don't say:  Give it, it's hard, I'll do it. This is a great way to show your child that difficult things are not for them.


If you need to motivate you to continue working because we want the child to finish what they started, tell me  I just didn't know how to cut circles once. They always came out like an egg. But I always tried and it turned out nicer each time. It will be the same as you. 


Don't say:  Don't be afraid. Do not worry. This is a great signal for the child to start seeing himself in black.


Build faith in your child that training makes perfect. Feel free to use this phrase. This is a positive, motivating mantra.


What do we not want?

Narcissus. But in my whole teaching career, I have never met one. In any case, it is obvious that it is not our intention to raise a child in love vainly in all his actions. Our goal is self-confidence, the ability to see our skills.


Do we only appreciate the products of the child?

Absolutely not. Self-confidence and self-confidence are not limited to drawing or building skills. Let us be fair and appreciate the child's behavior, ideas, and solutions. What is worth seeing?


I'm proud you shared the toy.

You know, I noticed that you gave way to a colleague. Nice of you.

I see that you can reconcile with your friend on your own, and this is really not an easy thing.

You got angry and managed to deal with it yourself. Have you noticed it?

How clean here! You can take care of the cleanup!

I wouldn't have had such an idea. It's very interesting.

In moderation. Sensitively. 


It is important not to convince the child that there are no other talents than singing and art.


And finally, as a parent and teacher, answer the question for yourself whether a sticker, a bead, a plus, a school grade are the best way to build this important social background of a child, which is the ability to self-esteem on the basis of self-confidence. possibilities? Because it tells me something, and it says out loud, that it definitely isn't. 




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