Self-acceptance, the key to self-confidence

 Self-acceptance, the key to self-confidence

Self-acceptance, the key to self-confidence

Self-confidence as an emotion is very fleeting. However, you can learn to be confident just like that by being truly calm and relaxed in any situation.

Self-confidence, as an emotion, is very fleeting. However, you can learn to be confident just like that by being truly calm and laid back in any situation.

The key to this is accepting yourself - all of yourself, along with the black scenarios your mind is used to creating. In this article, I will explain to you the mechanisms that you had no idea about and the awareness of which will give you the opportunity to free yourself from any uncertainty.

Sometimes she is, sometimes she is gone

Self-confidence is usually defined as a specific emotion that makes you feel like you can do anything and nothing will stand in your way. It is worth knowing, however, that such an emotion is simply fleeting and one moment you can be pumped with courage, and in the second everything can evaporate from you. Therefore, today I will write about self-confidence from a slightly different point of view. You will learn to achieve this state on a much deeper and more lasting level.

To begin with, I want to explain a few mechanisms that take place in the mind. The first important thing you need to know is that the way to gaining confidence is not to evoke that particular emotion. Of course, it can be achieved in various ways, but then it will not be a permanent state. Lack of self-confidence is actually a state in which you fear or feel threatened. The moment you remove this fear or feeling of danger, you will automatically be completely calm and relaxed. And this is self-confidence - when you get rid of negative emotions.

Such self-confidence is much more enduring than a specially induced emotion. Emotion allows you to overcome the fear that will be there for a moment. On the other hand, the key to true peace and confidence is accepting yourself and getting rid of that fear or doubt. Then you don't need to induce any emotional state. Self-confidence is there all the time. Like in the theater - when the curtain falls, something that has already been there will be revealed.

Overprotective mind

So what exactly does this lack of self-confidence come from? The mind is a creature that loves security. So he does everything to avoid the threat. Unfortunately, in most cases, it does much more than necessary. In order to protect you from unfavorable developments, it activates various types of mechanisms in many life situations.

Mechanisms such as fear, stress, difficulty trusting another person, negative head images, paralyzing internal dialogues. This is why some people, when they meet new people, suddenly don't know what to say. Other times when they are about to appear in front of a large group of people, they suddenly feel paralyzing stress throughout their body. When they are about to sit the exam, they begin to imagine what will happen if they fail. And when they are about to take up a challenge, their inner voice gives them all the excuses it can come up with.

Take a moment to think about how your lack of self-confidence manifests itself? Is it really that you just don't have it? Or do you imagine dark scenarios in a given situation, talk to yourself in a timid voice, makeup hundreds of excuses, think what could go wrong?

One way to get rid of this type of blockage is to change negative internal dialogues. You can read about how to do it in the article Playing with internal dialogue.

It is important that you understand at this point that your mind's intention is as positive as possible. By triggering all these things that deprive you of self-confidence, the mind wants to protect you from threats. However, in most situations, it misinterprets these threats and protects you greatly. Completely unnecessary. Can meeting new people be seriously dangerous? Will appearing in front of a group of people lead them to take eggs from their pockets and hit you right in the forehead? Even if you don't pass the exam, will the world collapse?

Everything would be fine if it weren't for the fact that these all too often triggered defenses keep many people from functioning normally in this world!


So how do you get rid of them and restore your confidence? Accept yourself. Simply accept yourself and all the things your mind creates to keep you safe from danger. The moment you feel the true acceptance of all the black scenarios that pop up in your head, all resistance will be gone. As he took away with his hand.

Acceptance in the context of mind is synonymous with security. When you fully accept that the audience, for example, will laugh at you when you speak to them, the mental threat disappears. Non-acceptance is a source of danger. Its presence means that there is no potential danger. And it's not about self-acceptance. It comes automatically when you accept the negative scenarios popping up in your head.

How does such acceptance work in practice? The point is for you to sincerely come to terms with any negative consequence your own mind has created. Just so that you would just say "ok if that happens I understand it, I accept it" You are to feel that you really accept it, that you no longer need resistance. That it could happen and it won't affect you in any way.

So the procedure is simple. When your mind creates a negative consequence of some action or the fact that a particular situation occurs, you accept it. This applies to any life situation. People create negative scenarios in their heads when they meet other people, when they are to meet new people, when they speak in public, when they want to start a company, when they study for exams, when they go on vacation, when they go on a date, when ... endlessly change. These negative scenarios, when not accepted, are a constant source of negative emotions. And these emotions take your peace of mind and cause you to lack self-confidence. Accept any negative scenario and you will see a surprising change, discover how to accept yourself fully.

Some time ago I was working with a person who, while talking to other people, was afraid of what those people would think of them. It made her relationships with other people very difficult because stress and feeling insecure did not allow this person to behave naturally. The fear was triggered by that one specific thought that appeared during the conversation - "this person will probably think something bad about me." Once we identified the negative consequences of the fact that people would actually think bad things about her, and then induced us to accept those consequences, all fear was gone.

If you are interested in the subject of self-confidence, then use my proprietary program of personal development  Life Architect BOX - Build True Self-Confidence. It is a carefully planned 30-day process in which you will learn how to accept yourself, increase your self-esteem and self-esteem through various exercises. The program is divided into 10 steps and consists of video, audio, and workbook activities.

Worry buster

So, to make it easier for you to implement this concept, I have a very effective exercise for you. This exercise is called the "worry killer," and it really is. Try them on yourself because the effects are immediate. The entire exercise is comprised of the following four steps:

1. On a piece of paper, clearly describe the situation that stresses you;

2. Determine the worst possible outcome/scenario that could happen;

3. Accept this result;

4. Take action, the first step towards minimizing losses.

It is important to describe the chosen situation on a piece of paper. Just this step will make you feel a little better. By doing the second point you can really let your imagination run wild. Come up with the worst really. Let it be the worst possible scenario, even if it is very unlikely. Visualize this scenario so that you have a clear picture of it. See what happens, how you will behave in this situation, how others will behave, how you will feel.

The third step is the most important. Focus on accepting this scenario. If you have a problem with that, I have a solution for that. Think about any particular situation in your life when you completely accepted something. It may be an experience in which, for example, you talked to a specialist who has much more knowledge on the subject than you, and you listened carefully to him and accepted every word he uttered without a doubt. Now visualize this specific experience as precisely as you can. Feel intensely the feeling of acceptance that has arisen in this experience. Only when you have this emotion do you go back to imagining your worst-case scenario. Now, along with the feeling you have just evoked, accept this scenario completely consistently, and sincerely.

The fourth step is optional. It may or may not be taken into account; it largely depends on the nature of the situation you are working on.

Practice this technique as often as you can and you will be able to forget about it after a while. You will make a habit of accepting, and you will do it automatically. It will become your approach to life and you won't even have to think about it. Self-confidence and self-acceptance will be there, in its purest form. And if you're still not enough, dig deeper - many development books offer solutions that can hold your key to emotional freedom.

A month ago, when I was training and I was discussing the concept of acceptance, one of the participants asked me: "It all looks very logical and reasonable, but won't I stop trying to develop and make changes when I just accept everything?" I told him then that accepting that you have stepped in the mud does not mean that you will not clean your shoes. It means, however, that you will not suffer from it. Will suffering make it easier for you to clean your shoes and take the next step with your head held high? On the contrary. Only when you feel good will you react effectively to the situation. It is the same in life. It turns out that thanks to acceptance, there is even more motivation to develop and make changes. And it's a much truer and stronger motivation

This article, apart from explaining certain mechanisms to you, gave you to understand one very important thing in personal development. You are not your mind. A mind is a tool that was designed to function normally in this world. It is not a perfect tool, because, as you can see, it sometimes plays tricks on you. You, in your pure form, are naturally self-confident, curious, and willing to explore the world. And you will discover it when you fully accept yourself. Your mind wants to help you with this, but sometimes it is too protective. You have been given the opportunity today to let go of this overprotection and get closer to who you really are.

So use the ability to accept the pranks of the mind and finally be your real yourself, living the way you want. When fear disappears, true confidence appears. Not an artificially induced emotion, but a deep, fundamental peace.

I also encourage you to read the article Self-assessment.  You will learn from it how to give yourself feedback that will allow you to develop and have a positive impact on your self-confidence.

Once you experience how acceptance works - share your impressions in the comments!

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